she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
