Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
