is wine microwaveable?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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