You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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