So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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