Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
