saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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