like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Randomize
