just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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