have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
