What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
