So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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