Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
