Michael Bay diarrhea
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
