phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
