i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
