Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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