Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize