put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
