like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
