i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
