I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
