Non-Jews are for practice
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You were trust falling into bushes
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
