That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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