no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
