Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
