When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
We don't watch enough power rangers
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
