so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
