don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
