I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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