Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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