I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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