fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
