what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
