When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
