I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
