my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Randomize
