Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
