It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
