MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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