i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
