The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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