She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
