also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize