Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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