I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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