rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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