how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
