dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
