heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
