Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
