capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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