you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
