fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
we're so committed to being not committed
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
