Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
People in love make me want to vomit
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
