The brown eye won't let me do that either.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
