I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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