it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
