Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
