Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
