Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That accounts for only three of the penises
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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