1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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