Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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