I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
