I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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