put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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