Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
